How To Say “NO” So Your Child Will Listen

Do you feel like you’re always saying No to your child and not getting the response from them that you are looking for? Do you end up repeating yourself over and over, so frustrated you begin to yell or just given in to your toddlers demands? Unfortunately, I hear this way too often from moms so I wanted to give some tips on the art of saying No that will get your child to cooperate, understand and be safe.

 To begin with, kids do much better when there are clear boundaries, routines and structure to their day. Consistency is key, not only with what you say but what you do. Your child is always watching you. The goal of discipline especially in a young toddler is to teach them to understand in order to get a desired result, it is not a punishment. So here’s my advice and strategies to making ‘NO” count.

How to say No

 

Tips on Saying NO to Your Child

 

Say NO less often- Really?? (yup its true) Use it only when you mean it and when necessary, for example to avoid dangers such as your toddler touching a hot stove, running into the street, hitting or biting.  They will quickly learn that “No” mean “No”, so don’t overuse it. Saying it all the time just dilutes its effectiveness and confuses kids as to its importance.

 

Distractions work – Instead of repeating “No” over and over when they want something they just can’t have, try distracting them with another item or engage them in a new activity.  Be sure not to get into a battle with them (most toddlers are great at manipulation, until we lose our patience and cave in to their whining.)

 

Catch them Being Good- So you probably think you do this and you probably do use praise but you know what most parents don’t realize it but they tend to more often tell their child what not to do or what they are doing wrong rather than praising accepted good behavior. So I recommend accentuate the positive way more often than the negative.  Give a lot of attention and praise to the good behavior and efforts. So if your child is playing nicely with his toys. Give her a shout out, that you noticed how attentive she is with her dolls. It also doesn’t haven’t to be verbal praise but just a touch or squeeze on their arm with a smile. Yes, this is called positive reinforcement and it works!

 

Ignore Bad Behavior – I know this seems counterintuitive but it really works. Attention around a child’s misbehavior increases the unwanted behavior. At every age kids like attention and sometimes they will even try to push your buttons to engage with them even if you’re yelling, making idle threats or seem angry. Their goal is to be heard, get their way and to pay attention to them. So how should you respond? I suggest “Planned ignoring” but it will only help to shape a child’s behavior if the child is getting positive attention most of the time. (see tip above) In addition once the undesired “bad” behavior stops, step in with the positive attention. Here is an example.

If your child is dropping food onto the floor from their high chair, instead of saying “NO don’t do that”, ignore the action, and as soon as she returns to eating appropriately, point it out and give some positive attention. With a smile say “I love the way you use your spoon” or “how clever you are to feed yourself” rather than focusing on your child throwing the food on to the floor. By doing this, you continuously shape the behaviors you want to see more of and the negative behaviors disappear.

 

Consistency is Key – One of the hardest things is being consistent, especially when you are a mom with 1001 things to do before the day ends.  I advise to pick your battles and don’t make idle threats (follow through is very important) If you have house rule that you only want kids eating in the kitchen and not in the tv room, you need to enforce it daily not every once in a while or your little one won’t be clear on the rules. In addition be a role model for your kids because kids are always watching and your actions speak louder than words.

 

Parenting is hard, as a mom of three I truly get it. (and one with special needs). I know how chaotic days can often be, but try your best to keep positive. Your children will definitely make mistakes and test your limits. They will be loud at times, whine, stomp their feet and want everything their way. This is part of child development and it’s an ongoing learning process. Fill most of the day with love, affection and consistency. Shaping behaviors, just like healthy habits takes time, energy and patience, but I guarantee it does work. Good Luck Mamas! Questions? Comments? Let me know how its going. – Dr. Jen

How to say NO

12 Tips For a Fun Safe and Somewhat Healthy Halloween

Halloween is definitely a favorite holiday for kids. Children love getting dressed up in costumes, socializing with friends, trick or treating and yes, some candy too. As a pediatrician, I have seen my fair share of stomachaches, injuries and avoidable injuries. Here are some of my  top safety tips as well as some healthy  tips that I promise won’t put a damper on the festivities.

halloween tips.JPG

 

1.     Make sure costumes fit properly. When sleeves are loose and flowing or pants drag on the floor, they are more like to get snagged or caught on objects leading to falls, scraped knees and even broken bones. Other items like long untied belts or high heeled shoes can be hazardous too. Be sure face masks fit properly, especially the eye and nose openings so as not to obscure vision or breathing.

2        Keep costumes brightly colored or use reflective tape.  Bold color or placing reflective tape on your child clothing or even trick or treat bag is important especially if outside in areas that are not well lit. This will make it easier for them to be seen particularly by drivers in cars.

3        Patch test all makeup before using. Kids love face painting, but many of the makeup kits for Halloween don’t use high quality ingredients and may have chemicals that react on skin causing rashes like hives, bumps, redness and itching. Be sure to test on a small area of arm before applying to face.

4        Avoid imported inexpensive costume jewelry for young children. Please be wary and if purchasing please supervise if your young child is wearing accessories that have small parts that can potentially break off causing choking ,be put up their nose or in their ears. In addition young children may put these accessories in their mouth to chew on, causing the paint to come off and be swallowed.  Imported painted costume jewelry items have been known to contain metals like lead and cadmium which are toxic if ingested so if you have a little teether avoid altogether.

5        Do not buy decorative contact lenses. Non prescription contacts can give you the appearance of bright colored eyes( magenta , neon green or Dracula eyes) however because they are not fitted properly, there is potential for severe damage to eyes such as corneal scratches, infections and in some cases even visual loss. It is not worth the risks.

6        Darkness can mean more dangers outside. Supervision is needed by adults or even responsible teenagers while out and about going house to house. It’s a great idea to have a designated route ahead of time. In addition carry flashlights as many neighborhoods may not have sidewalks or even street lamps.  I encourage all homeowners on Halloween to keep their outdoor house lights on as well as to make sure walkways are clear of wet slippery leaves to make the whole neighborhood brighter and safer.

7        Avoid candles in Jack-O -Lanterns.  Kids move fast and not always paying attention to their surroundings. Candles can cause burns and unexpected fires, so instead use a battery operated flameless light or even a flashlight to illuminate your pumpkins.

8        Restrain pets or keep in another room when trick or treaters come to the door. Even the most docile and friendly dogs can get over excited by all the kids and crowds. Children who fear animals may cry or be frightened, others may try petting the tail or animals face causing an unexpected reaction or even get bitten. To avoid any problems keep your pets away from the front door.

9        Eat a good meal before going out trick or treating. Starting out on a full stomach can help discourage kids from wanting to eat the candy and goodies throughout the night and it will help to cut down on binge/ overeating. Yes Halloween stomachaches are a real thing.

10   Walk to the farthest point you are traveling and then trick or treat on the way back home. By doing this, you and your kids are getting a bit more exercise and physical activity, because eventually you have to walk all the way back home.

11   Sort and inspect candy before eating. Even though it is rare for tampering of candy on Halloween, especially if you stick to neigbors that you know, its important to check the candy and home baked goodies, as well as remove any items that may be potential allergens to your child.

12   Share Share Share. Most kids have so much fun on Halloween, but it’s a great time to remind them that not all children may be able to participate in the holiday events. Let your child pick out their favorite items and then have them share and give away the rest to the local hospital, child care centers or even a favorite charity.

 

Remember, Halloween comes but once a year, besides the trick or treating, there are other fun activities to participate in such as drawing on pumpkins, roasting pumpkin seeds and drawing Halloween cards and posters. I wish and your child a spooktacular and safe holiday. – Dr. Jen